Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We are two peas in an std pod
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
