I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
