I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
