R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
