we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
