I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
did i walk over a car last night?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
