thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
this boner is exhausting
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
