She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
