he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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