"it" just moved
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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