I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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