census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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