stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
