I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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