Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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