Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
