Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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