Swine flu is the new snow day.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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