WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
