i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my life...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize