living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
