Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
