All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
