tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
