Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
