We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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