he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
