all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
