thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
