I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
