New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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