we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So much Jack, so little girl.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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