were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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