the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
