they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
