I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
