im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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