90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
