i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
