u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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