I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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