Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
