So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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