I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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