They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Houston, we have a squirter
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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