YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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