I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
