so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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