I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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