God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
