I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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