Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
