Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
