The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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