if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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