Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
