I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
