Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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