like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
