you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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