i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
