Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
