6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
