I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
