when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You made out with two different species that night
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
