I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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