Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
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me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
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OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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